Life planning requires a holistic approach. By this I mean
you must consider that each area of your life - whether
personal, relationship, family, or career - will affect the
other areas, now or sometime in the future. To be successful
requires planning a life, one that includes your personal
goals, your relationship goals, your family goals, and your
career or business goals.
The first consideration in composing a life is to be brave.
You may have to do radical surgery on yourself. You will
probably find that your basic values as a human being are
sound, but that their _expression in the real world will have
to change. Before your children were born you probably had
notions about good parenting. After the children came along,
and with each stage they go through, you probably gain a new
appreciation for how well your own parents handled such a
complicated task. When you were a young adult in your early
twenties, developing a relationship with your new spouse was
based on the needs and goals of youth. Your marriage today,
as an older, wiser couple, may require revamping to keep up
with individual, family, and career development. Even the
career path in which you chose to involve yourself may have
been suited to you at thirty, but at forty-five has lost its
appeal.
When people face a crisis or even just an ordinary problem,
they are tempted to try a simple change. They change jobs,
change spouses, build a new house, and so on. These simple
changes are supposed to make them feel better - and sometimes
they do, for a while. But in the long run the new job
fizzles, the new spouse presents problems remarkably similar
to those the previous spouse presented, and the new house is
still not quite big enough. Rather than waste your time with
pointless changes, compose a life, and plan for meaningful
change. Change your map of reality to include the
possibilities that you (your spouse and your family) are
capable of, even if this involves painful and difficult
work.
Before composing your life plan, it is important to
understand the ground rules. If you jump into a new plan too
quickly, you may be repeating the mistakes of the past. Take
your time. Follow these ground rules. After you have
thoroughly explored the territory, assemble the pieces and
weave the new tapestry.
1. PLAN WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND OTHERS WHO ARE SIGNIFICANT
IN YOUR LIFE. Getting others' feedback is imperative. It
keeps you aware that you are not in this life alone. Even
when you are planning a life goal that seems so personal
that it could not possibly be relevant to anyone but
yourself, ask others for their opinions. Many of your
personal goals can be thwarted by the unexpected demands of
other areas of your life.
2. DEVELOP GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS. Becoming an
excellent communicator will assist you in communicating
with yourself as well as others. As important as these
skills are in learning about the ones you love and work
with, learning to listen to yourself (i.e., to trust your
intuition) will move you toward the most powerful decisions
in your life.
3. BRAINSTORM. Be open to new understandings about the
interdependence of love and work. Look at different models
than what you are used to. Brainstorm as many options as you
can think of for redefining your relationship, yourself,
your family life, and your career.
4. BE OPEN. Let go of all the reasons you should not
or cannot do something. Do not turn away any option while
you are brainstorming. Later, as you develop a plan to
integrate these new notions, you can discard the unworkable
ones. But remember, even the unworkable option today may
prove workable sometime in the future.
5. SHOOT FOR THE MOON. Allow yourself and your
significant others to dream. Plan for the optimum in all
areas of your life. A common mistake is settling for the
average when with a little extra effort you could produce
something extraordinary. You may not get to the moon in all
cases, but you are certain to fail if you never try.
6. PLAN FOR THE WORST. This sounds a little pessimistic,
but the value is in planning. If you have contingency plans,
you feel less threatened by the unknown. However, it is
important to not be guided by your thoughts of the worst
possibilities. Then your plans take on the shape of fear and
failure.
7. BE FLEXIBLE. Ultimately, the life plan you develop
will encompass as many areas of your life as you are aware
of, but no plan is perfect or permanent. Life is full of
surprises. Be prepared to change the plan with the evolution
of yourself as an individual, as a marital partner, as a parent,
and as a businessperson.
By incorporating all of the ground rules for successful life
planning into the development of your life plan, you will
automatically be using your flexibility. The combination of
discussing your dreams with others, practicing your
listening skills, brainstorming, remaining open to all
possibilities, shooting for the moon, and planning for the
worst, puts you in a position to really get to know
yourself. Once this is accomplished, you are able to
utilize this knowledge to shape your personal life plan.
Copyright © 2004 Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.
Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist with
over thirty years of experience as a marriage & family
therapist. Visit her website -http://www.self-helpcentral.com,
for more of her practical self-help advice. Sign up for her
free ezine for the latest self-help information and special
discounts on wellness products at
http://www.self-helpcentral.com/newsletter.htm.
------------------------------------
"If you have an apple and I have an apple and we
exchange apples then you and I will still each have
one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea
and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have
two ideas." -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950))
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